i'm distraught

Dear Zeros,

It's time we (all 1 of us) had a heart to heart.

I feel like everyone on the internets is in "rant" mode and it's getting annoying. I don't want to fall into the category of those who only complain about every single aspect of their life in the public sphere. Just because it's a rant doesn't mean it makes you funny or that anyone cares about your seemingly tragic woes. So I feel like I can learn and move on from the ranting. Also I realize I have ranted before so I'm trying to say I've moved on. Well, probably after this post.

In other annoying news, I'm contemplating unfriending anyone who still uses #completelyinappropriatehastagsandthenthinksthey'rebeingwitty because seriously..? It sucks. There's my fair warning to you. That's not what hashtags are for!!! USE REAL WORDS!!!! Instead of describing your children as #thelightofmylife, try using the REAL words "the light of my life".  Instead of being #blessed, why not be regularly blessed? #getsomeneedsomekickassalldayerrday isn't a thing and doesn't trend! AHHH!!!! Also note that if you have a private profile on IG or FB, tagging your photos and shit with hashtags makes that item public. I'm positive that 99% of the people out there don't realize it and hashtag #cute on their baby pics where creeps can search the #cute hashtag and see all dat. Just do you know!!! Many exclamation points in this blog!!!!!

But come back down to Earth and listen to me when I say that I need help.

I need help with an issue that has recently plagued my life. And by plague I mean locusts, the Nile turning to blood, boils- the whole she-bang...

This is my view EVERYDAY at work:

Some of you zeros may be like, "big woop. The toilet seat is up who cay's? Looks like my bathroom at home."

Others of you might be saying "oh emm gee you're dealing with #firstworldproblems #whatawhiner #somebodycallthewaaaaambulance" and I plan on blocking you later.

WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYY???? Why does this resemble your home? This is work!! Yes, a first world problem as in it's a problem for places that have flushing toilets. Why is the toilet seat up in a public bathroom? Why do you not share the thought of common courtesy to put the toilet seat down? Why are you 40 years old and still have no thought to put the toilet seat down? Why is it better for me to dirty up my hands putting your toilet seat down when you already need to wash your d*ck hands after you go and can easily put the seat down before you leave the restroom??!?!? I thought this was a one time thing that I happened upon, but it's not. It's the norm. and I ask you again, WHYYY?

Side note: everyone please, for the love of all that is holy, please please wash your hands after you do anything that involves pulling your pants down. I don't care if you just took a shower, are super clean and never miss, think to yourself, "that's what toilet paper is for", or think that you are immune to toilety germs. Wash your hands. Do it for the people you work with. Do it for the door handle. Do it for the nice smelling soap. Do it because you probably need to wash your hands anyway. Do it because of that person you know who doesn't. Just do it!!

Back to the toilet situation...

Someone once said that "it's like F**king 'Nam in there". Because bombs get dropped? Because it's a war zone? Because there have been casualties? YES!!!! I die a little inside each time I have to go in there.

So while this isn't a rant, it is a passive agressive note to someone who will never get the note, and therefore, I am distraught.

And since it's almost Christmas, and I'm trying to be more in the spirit of being thankful and all that shat, I'm thankful for public bathrooms.

"The anonymous exchange" as I like to call it.

Airports with 25 stalls. Target with their 10 stalls and the extra big handicapped stall. Hotel lobbies. Bathrooms with attendants that hand you paper towels.  Even just a separation of man and woman bathrooms. Urinals exist for this sole reason! This one stall situation is, quite literally, crap.

So be thankful for your separated bathrooms today and make sure you give your well-trained and highly respectful mate (Kirk is a saint) the praise he deserves for keeping this a non situation for you. 

great outdoors - anza borrego

This past weekend Kirk and I went camping with a couple - the husband works with me. :) We decided to take advantage of the three day weekend for Veteran's Day and head out into the wilderness aka Anza-Borrego Desert State Park. The drive wasn't bad, the site was free,  and the scenery was amazing.  It was a wonderful weekend with great (new) friends!

This photo of Kirk was taken with my iPhone. Amazing!

Me and Erick just bein best buds.

Cutest boy around

 

The weekend crew on our walkabout
 
 
 
Looks like we're crossing the sahara ;)
 
 
The tarantula that I found with my foot.
 
Kirk and his bouquet of kababs. We ate like kings.

All in all, one of my favorite camping trips and there wasn't running water or flushing toilets.  Who is down for another trip??

Casual Friday

...more like casual hair day. Or "I don't care at all" hair day. This job requires me to look presentable every day, which is great. I like looking nice. But I spend so much time on my hair because I work out in the mornings... so I wash it every day. It doesn't quite look right when you show up in a bomb dress and heels with a wet head of hair. 

So today I am celebrating the fact that I can hide in my office with a clip holding my bangs out of my face and the rest in a frizzy mess. Sometimes its nice to be low-maintenance (or no-maintenance as I prefer). 

Happy Friday!

Speaking of getting older...

Kirk is almost 30 :)... And by almost i mean he'll be 29 in 3 weeks.  He's looking forward to it. 

"CHERISH IT. SHTAY HERE ASH LONG ASH YOU CAAAAAAN"

Today my little sister, Katie, turned 15. Yeeeeeeesh! Soon she'll be driving, and then college, and then married and then I'll be a grandma-aunt. It's not just that my little tiny sisters are getting older, or the baby fever I've succumbed to, or the ample amounts of Wheel of fortune I've watched this year - I'm getting old.

<OH, REAL OLD ZEROS, BE QUIET! LET ME HAVE THIS>

I'm 27 going on 100. Here are some recent things that have happened that have really rubbed my face in the fact that I'm getting old:
-I go to bed at 8:30pm, I wake up at 4:55am
-I created a book club
-I seriously enjoy my book club
-I am grouchy at college kids doing what college kids do
-I spend my weekends doing chores and don't mind that at all

-TLC still really pumps me up at the gym

-I can't eat a cake for breakfast without gaining 8 pounds
-it takes 6 months to lose said cake pounds
-I can say, "remember that thing happened 10 years ago..." and I can use the word "decade"
-I've known people for more than 10 years
-I've been alive long enough to see Carson Daly go from MTV to the Today show.
-I really like coffee, beer, and wine. Good beer. Red wine.
-the next morning after ample beer and wine I am paralyzed for 24 hours.
-the thought of hard liquor is also paralyzing
-Sometimes I think about how the 90s weren't ten years ago
-I find myself saying, "my kid will NEVER do that." to all the kids who do things that kids do
-Life makes me sore
-The thought that some people on the earth have never seen the Indiana Jones movies makes me sad.
-My road rage has only gotten worse
-When I was unemployed I couldn't really see a reason not to have a drink at 3pm.
-Today I still kind of don't see a problem with the drink at 3pm
-I don't drink that much, camaaan.
-I really like being home and the effort to go out is (most of the time) too much
-I only know the original disney movies and kid shows on tv melt my brain (what happened to "hey arthur"

-I sent Kelly (my other sis, 13) a text today and she asked if I was being retro. Don't believe me?

-I spend all my money on vases to put shells in, and shelves to sit the vases on, in places all around my house
-kirk is more of a kermudgen than me, if you can believe it!!

This list is not to be confused with the wish to be 15 or even 18 again. Uhhh no. Actually, HELL NO. It's just maybe I'm more me than I've ever been. I'm an old, semi-drunk homebody who does DIY projects and waters her plants during the day, loves a good vanilla candle, and remembers all the good times and gawks at the unknown of the younger generation. And the fact that there's a younger generation still blows my mind.

Happy birthday to Katie, and here's to all my zero friends who secretly love all the things I do but won't admit it...yet.

(PS I swear I don't drink that much)

You don't understand

That is the thermometer inside my house. Notice it's maxed out. Are you wondering how I'm sleeping in that heat? Me too. Answer is that I'm not, hence, this grouchy post. 

It's hot. And wet. Like the inside of a packed gym where you feel other people's sweat on your face. 

Speaking of the gym, that ^ is the temp from my car while leaving the gym at 6:15 in the morning today. Add however many degrees for humidity and there you have it- 80+ before the sun is even up. Then the sun comes up and makes me want to move to Alaska. 

Shoot me.

Some of my zero readers might be like, "that's nothing- I live on the east coast/south/Arizona and it's always like that!"  What I say to you zeros is, I know. But your whole world is INSIDE. Work, home, malls, schools, and everything has a/c. In San Diego, we get hot every once and a while, but the county is known for the mild temperatures. We deal with the 2-3 days per season that suck.

It's been weeks of this. EVERYTHING WE DO IS OUTSIDE and almost no one has air conditioning because we don't need it. We spend enough $$$ living here that we don't need to pay even more to have cool air blow on us from time to time. 

"Oh, jordan," you zeros say, "you have the ocean right there so stop complaining!!" 

Have you ever tried to get to the beach with the rest of the 3.14 million San Diego county residents?? HAVE YOU?? Then don't talk to me about beach days. Although we did go last weekend. 

What I'm trying to say is this: let us bitch about the heat. It's about all we can do to move our bodies as little as possible, only using thumbs and phones to let the world know our pain. We want to live in San Diego, not Panama. You should know that we will also bitch when it rains because it makes my work commute hell on earth and, eff, what is up with rain anyway!??

<End of rant>

Long time no post

Dear zero friends,

Dudes. Things have been craY in my life. I haven't even opened my computer at home in like 6 weeks. I'm typing this out on my phone through the blogger app. The short version of things is that everything is great. Everyone is happy and healthy, except my zucchini which died a horrible death of white mold on every leaf/stalk(!??!). I tried to salvage the least moldy leaves and just ended up ripping out everything. Ripped out a damn piece of my heart.  Job has exceeded my expectations: I have business cards and i'm on the website.... o0o0o0h. School update soon(ish). Suffice to say, I passed the CBEST and I'm moving forward!

In other news, today I wore one of my "smart" blazers and ended up looking like I work in a lab. THE DOCTA IS IN!!! And I desperately need a haircut. 

garden update: my plant children

Day 1 vs Day 16

Isn't it amazing what a little sunshine, water, and an appropriate amount of love can do? My little garden is growing like crazy and I'm especially proud of the beans and peas that I grew from seeds.

What I've learned so far about my plant children:

• Squash is the crazy one who does steroids and you're worried about their future and whether their balls might shrink. I bought way too many for this tiny 13x5 space.
• The miracle of life is amazing. If I'm this excited about sprouts from seeds, I don't know how crazy I'll be when I have a baby (human seed!) (no this is not an announcement). So my seedlings are the needy but super impressive ones.
• Corn is a pimp and seems to grow an inch/day so obv they are the ones going through puberty. So far they think they know everything, and spoiler alert, they do.
• Lettuce is a water hog aka the guttons of the family. Like mother like plant children.
• Peppers (bell, habanero, and jalepeno) are the nerds who work really hard but have nothing on the outside to show for it (yet). I also may have planted them too close together so there's a chance they won't actually grow or fruit at all (smothering mom).
• Cilantro and Parsley are "Team Herb" and are totally potheads (get it, they're in pots). But they're doing great so I'm not going to rehab them or anything.
• Tomatoes are my athletes - competing against each other and turning out a bunch of tiny green fruits that I'm sure will be amazing once they ripen.

Well that's enough crazy for today. 

Side note: I planted flowers from seeds since the beans/peas were so easy/amazing. Updates on those in 10-16 days :)

sometimes things don't work out as you plan

....THEY'RE BETTER!

Sometimes blessings fall from the sky. And by sometimes I mean this has never happened to me before so this is the first time and it's great.

Let me explain...

Today I got a job offer from a law firm that I applied to in February - it turned out I didn't have quite the experience they were looking for so we parted ways and that was that. Story of my professional life. But you don't understand. Back when I first applied, I researched this firm from top to bottom because I knew I didn't want to end up in the situation I was in at Pite Duncan (too big, bad management, no end to the hamster wheel over a pit of fire). I watched all the videos, I looked at what services they offered their clients, I read reviews, I checked out the office, I googled some people for crying out loud. They seemed like a complete 180 to PD and on a whole other planet (nay, solar system!) from Instant Customer. On paper it was a dream company for me...kind of like what Google would be to people who work at Google or how someone in Hollywood who landed a role in a film by Spielberg would feel. It's a firm/company/family. They LOVE their employees and show it. It's an honest firm with real values and awards and pride and and and. Once I knew about them, that a place like that even exists and is in my realm of possibility, I wanted more than anything to work there. And when I didn't get the job I seriously decided that I didn't want to be a paralegal if I couldn't work for a place like that. End of story. So I made a new plan - to go back to school and teach. That was always my passion and I wasn't going to keep bouncing around trying to force myself, a seemingly square peg, to fit into another mediocre job. I am in charge of my own destiny!!!...destiny destiny....like how it would sound if you said that to the Grand Canyon.

 So here I am just this past Monday, unemployed but with a plan to go to PLNU and get my Masters of Arts in Teaching with my credential and off I go for the rest of my life. I mean, I just started this blog less than 30 days ago to chronicle this experience for crying out loud! And OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE SKY I got an email from their recruiter saying that a position opened up and they were checking to see if I was still interested and doi I was still interested because this was my Mecca of Jobs.

Suffice to say, the interview went well and they called me today with the offer for a 4 year employment contract. I cried.

I cried because it was a relief. I cried because this means that how I see myself as a human and how I try to be as an employee are correct and that other people see it too. I cried because I know I can still go to school at night but now won't have to worry constantly about money. I cried because it literally felt like heaven opened up and rained down hugs for no other reason than because Jordan needed a hug. I cried because someone like me, who has had bad luck finding a place to belong, belongs. I cried because I just love Kirk so much and know this will alleviate the financial pressure he/we were going to be under for the foreseeable future. And I cried because I'm a tender soul and that's what I do.

I'm not giving up on being a teacher. I'm still going to school and will talk to some counselors about programs where I can get my masters and do all the classes for the credential without the student teaching (for the time being). I plan on giving this place a try and seeing how it goes. But from what I feel as of right now, I think it will be a prosperous and happy couple of years.

7 days

7 days until I take the CBEST. I'm finding that all the teachers I've talked to who've taken the test are like, "Oh, you can sleep through that test and pass! CAMAN!"

Well...I have this study book I've been using that takes you through the format and refreshes you on math you haven't thought about in 10 years so that's helpful. But otherwise, I'm pretty much on my own.

I've been on my own for a test before - I studied for, taught myself material, and PASSED the paralegal certification test in 2011. Still, there's nothing like waking up in the morning to the thought of factoring polynomials to really get your heart going.

Here's to June 20!

things I never told you about

Mainly this is just a catch up session on a bunch of adventures we've taken over the past year or so....

Here's some stuff from our Honeymoon in Margarita Island, Venezuela (April 1 - 15, 2012):

Porlamar, Margarita Island

My favorite day - the Jeep tour of the island

When we got to this church on the tour, they actually said, "Do not stop and confess your sins."

COCO - LOCOs

This was the Venezuelan family that adopted us and took us out to the mall for dinner. It was very sweet.

This fish head cost $80. American Dollars. Our one and only scam.

This grocery trip cost $50 American Dollars. And those magnum things are chocolate bars....fyi

Kirk got to windsurf at their famous windy beach.

We asked for margaritas since the island is called Margarita Island....they didn't know how to make margaritas. So, this was a glass of tequila. MMMMmmmm

Love him <3

We did a lot of hiding and reading :)

AMERICAN FOOD DAY!!!! Tastes like freedom.

Didn't swim at this beach because it was lined with dead jellies.

This is how our bags traveled back to the USA to deter the thieves from stealing our stuff. My bag was totally broken by this wrap. We love America.

Here's us being cute one day on a beach bike ride by Crystal Pier in Pacific Beach:

Went to some beautiful weddings:
Hannah and Jeff Sawhill in San Jose, CA

 Meggie and Shane Richards in Seattle, WA:

Lindsay and Anthony Leyvas in San Diego, CA:

Brady and Breland Tommerup in Kalispell, MA

Nadia and James Silva in San Diego, CA

Megan and Justin Baar in San Diego, CA

Lydia and Enrique Azevedo in Santa Barbara, CA

Aspen was born (June 10, 2012 she is now almost 1!!!)

We ate oysters at a place called Oysterfest even though we both don't like oysters

Here's where I roped me a fake steer in Montana (where we someday plan to own and operate a ranch):

Here are some pics from Glacier National Park (Montana):

I was mesmerized that there could be that much snow as it was 90* outside!

Here are some pics from multiple sailing days:

Here's our first Christmas as husb/wife and in our amazing new home with our new dog Riggins (a year for a lot of firsts):

Here's Lydia's bachelorette party in San Francisco (the few appropriate ones):

Here's our honeymoon "re-do" at the Big Island, Hawaii (March 27 - April 6, 2013):
 The pics are out of order since I had to merge Kirk's pictures with mine.

In Honolulu waiting for our connecting flight to Hilo

Day exploring local parks

I didn't want him taking a picture of my butt ;)

Rainbow falls (?)

Just a view on a drive we took across the island.

Tracy and Bill's lanai where we spent many a night/morning

Driving through rain forest to....

....the desert. I loved this picture because I couldn't tell where the sky stopped and the ocean began.

My escort <3

a-bay

The hotel where we spent our anniversary weekend in Kona, HI

View from our room

The claimed to have the best mai tais. I decided I don't like rum.

My routine every day in Kona. LIQUID GOLD.

We made the obligatory white rock message in the ah-ah lava

he's such a pretty bird

On our (free) whale watching cruise

Anniversary morning before we swam with dolphins....nbd

Kealakekua Bay (where the dolphins were)

Anniversary dinner

Southpointe, Hawaii (the southern most part of the USA)

On the volcano!

Rain (I had shorts on)

Sacred beach

Hot snorkeling

Black sand beach. 

IT WAS AN AMAZING TRIP. WE LOVE HAWAII and the great family friends who showed us an unforgettable time.

(Will it limit the amount of pictures I upload in one post???)

Can you tell I don't want to study for my test?