This is the inside of my head every morning on my way to work. In this way, the world is predictable:
I’m leaving the house with the precise amount of time to get to work with regular traffic conditions only. Why do I not leave five minutes earlier? Why is the Today show so good?!
Ugh I’m going to miss this light if you don’t go the speed limit. That’s all I’m asking for – the speed limit.
Damnit man! Use your turn signal if you’re turning. Oh of course, you’re going to Starbucks. I want Starbucks…NO TIME.
What is different about today that causes the line for the freeway onramp to be a mile longer than usual??? Should I side-street it down El Cajon? Ugh not worth it. I’ll probably hit every red light.
Oh you’re carpool slash not? Hell no, I’m not letting you in. I hope you get a ticket.
OMG this car is going to break down in front of me, that’s the only explanation for the black sludge coming out the exhaust. It smells.... I need to go around.
Somebody let me over, god dammat. You see the practically smoking car in front of me, let me out!!
AAAAnd I'm stopped. On the freeway. How??!!?
Honestly, does no one here know how to merge???? Zipper, people!
Omg guys, watch out! There’s the slightest turn in the road, let’s all slow down to 15 mph just to be safe.
Oh someone pumped the breaks at this place an hour ago? Makes sense to keep stopping.
Soooo sloowwwwwww…..Are you a hundred years old? Seriously, are you?!?!
You are, I knew it.
I see you in my rear view, BMWdoucheweavingthroughtraffic. Can I block him in that lane? Yes! AH HA! Trapped, bitch!
Don’t look at me!
Okay this is where I may die today. You guys realize you have almost a mile to get over to this lane, right? You don’t have to all rush over at once. Omg those cars are changing into the same lane they’re going to crash omg, what the F get out of there, idiot!
Oh and now you’re going to change back to the other lane? Seriously?!
Should have taken El Cajon.
Finally!!! Freedom on 805 South where no one works. Easiest part of my day by far.
I hate getting stuck behind these 18 wheelers who can’t take this hill! Let me over!
Oh a bum curling a bag of garbage like it’s a dumbbell? Super normal. Must almost be to work.
No parking and street sweeping day? Ugh northpark. 2 hour parking will do.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Whole 30 Challenge: My honest truth
As most of our friends and family know, Kirk and I embarked on the Whole 30 challenge on March 10. If you want to learn more about what Whole 30 is and browse their many resources, go here. When you're done, come back to the blog and just let me let it out.
The basic premise is that we (society) need to rid ourselves of the toxins, additives, and excess sugars that are now in all the foods that are considered "normal." They specifically say to eat real food. Take 30 days out of your life and make a pact to yourself not eat bad shit because you DESERVE this. Whole 30's tough love formula is what they're famous for and it's all good, and like, of course not eating a pizza a day isn't hard, beating cancer is hard.
I know there's science behind it. I know that when I eat what they say to eat that I'm giving my body things that provide the most nutritional value. I don't NEED vanilla creamer in my coffee. I don't NEED mexican food with all its cheese and sour cream and tortillas for days. I don't NEED rice. I don't NEED red wine after the longest week of my life.(I do need these things by the way if you couldn't tell. Sarcasm is hard on the internet.) They say, Oh and guess what? Basically everything you used to eat can be transitioned to be whole 30-approved. yayy!
False. How do you have a taco with no tortilla? (Zeros chime in and say, "Jordan, it can't possibly be that hard to skip tacos for 30 days" and I'm telling you, it is. A taco salad is not a taco. Period.) How do you have pad thai with no noodles? How do you make chili with no beans? How do you make orange chicken like from Panda Express without the goopy sauce and extreme breading? Well, there's actually no possible way that could be whole 30 but it doesn't mean that I don't want it. Double negative, boom.
I'm constantly starving and semi-crazy. I have a deep, burning hunger in my soul that I can't fix with the food they approve. I don't want to eat if I have to eat what they say. I don't want to find another way to trick a sweet potato in to being what it's not - a real potato. I don't want to smell another egg, let alone look at it....sitting there it its cozy little egg carton. I don't want to use ghee - I want butter and all of its dairy glory. And sometimes I just want a damn cookie, especially those little animal crackers with the pink/white frosting and sprinkles. They never disappoint.
This is affecting my relationship with Kirk. All we ever talk about now-a-days are all the things we're going to eat when this is over (this is not the point of whole 30). 9 more days....if I make it. There's a point where I may just have to throw in the towel and try again "some other time in the much later future" slash maybe not. I came. I starved. I learned. And the part about being semi-crazy (read: crazy as F**K) is real and I may or may not get fired for my super attitude lately. This diet has become an economic hardship.
What I DO know about this is that it's made me take a look into what I was actually eating. If I got anything from this experience, it's that I've learned of a better way to eat and I've practiced saying "no" to eating things when the food is out of my control. But I don't think I've been convinced that it's a better way to live. There's a reason why this challenge is only 30 days long - I think it's partially because any longer and people would starve, and it really is extreme. Extreme diets aren't the answer, a healthy balance is. And also, pasta and cheese were created for a reason and that reason is for me to eat them.
Here's to (maybe!) 9 more days
The basic premise is that we (society) need to rid ourselves of the toxins, additives, and excess sugars that are now in all the foods that are considered "normal." They specifically say to eat real food. Take 30 days out of your life and make a pact to yourself not eat bad shit because you DESERVE this. Whole 30's tough love formula is what they're famous for and it's all good, and like, of course not eating a pizza a day isn't hard, beating cancer is hard.
I know there's science behind it. I know that when I eat what they say to eat that I'm giving my body things that provide the most nutritional value. I don't NEED vanilla creamer in my coffee. I don't NEED mexican food with all its cheese and sour cream and tortillas for days. I don't NEED rice. I don't NEED red wine after the longest week of my life.(I do need these things by the way if you couldn't tell. Sarcasm is hard on the internet.) They say, Oh and guess what? Basically everything you used to eat can be transitioned to be whole 30-approved. yayy!
False. How do you have a taco with no tortilla? (Zeros chime in and say, "Jordan, it can't possibly be that hard to skip tacos for 30 days" and I'm telling you, it is. A taco salad is not a taco. Period.) How do you have pad thai with no noodles? How do you make chili with no beans? How do you make orange chicken like from Panda Express without the goopy sauce and extreme breading? Well, there's actually no possible way that could be whole 30 but it doesn't mean that I don't want it. Double negative, boom.
I'm constantly starving and semi-crazy. I have a deep, burning hunger in my soul that I can't fix with the food they approve. I don't want to eat if I have to eat what they say. I don't want to find another way to trick a sweet potato in to being what it's not - a real potato. I don't want to smell another egg, let alone look at it....sitting there it its cozy little egg carton. I don't want to use ghee - I want butter and all of its dairy glory. And sometimes I just want a damn cookie, especially those little animal crackers with the pink/white frosting and sprinkles. They never disappoint.
This is affecting my relationship with Kirk. All we ever talk about now-a-days are all the things we're going to eat when this is over (this is not the point of whole 30). 9 more days....if I make it. There's a point where I may just have to throw in the towel and try again "some other time in the much later future" slash maybe not. I came. I starved. I learned. And the part about being semi-crazy (read: crazy as F**K) is real and I may or may not get fired for my super attitude lately. This diet has become an economic hardship.
What I DO know about this is that it's made me take a look into what I was actually eating. If I got anything from this experience, it's that I've learned of a better way to eat and I've practiced saying "no" to eating things when the food is out of my control. But I don't think I've been convinced that it's a better way to live. There's a reason why this challenge is only 30 days long - I think it's partially because any longer and people would starve, and it really is extreme. Extreme diets aren't the answer, a healthy balance is. And also, pasta and cheese were created for a reason and that reason is for me to eat them.
Here's to (maybe!) 9 more days
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