"CHERISH IT. SHTAY HERE ASH LONG ASH YOU CAAAAAAN"

Today my little sister, Katie, turned 15. Yeeeeeeesh! Soon she'll be driving, and then college, and then married and then I'll be a grandma-aunt. It's not just that my little tiny sisters are getting older, or the baby fever I've succumbed to, or the ample amounts of Wheel of fortune I've watched this year - I'm getting old.

<OH, REAL OLD ZEROS, BE QUIET! LET ME HAVE THIS>

I'm 27 going on 100. Here are some recent things that have happened that have really rubbed my face in the fact that I'm getting old:
-I go to bed at 8:30pm, I wake up at 4:55am
-I created a book club
-I seriously enjoy my book club
-I am grouchy at college kids doing what college kids do
-I spend my weekends doing chores and don't mind that at all

-TLC still really pumps me up at the gym

-I can't eat a cake for breakfast without gaining 8 pounds
-it takes 6 months to lose said cake pounds
-I can say, "remember that thing happened 10 years ago..." and I can use the word "decade"
-I've known people for more than 10 years
-I've been alive long enough to see Carson Daly go from MTV to the Today show.
-I really like coffee, beer, and wine. Good beer. Red wine.
-the next morning after ample beer and wine I am paralyzed for 24 hours.
-the thought of hard liquor is also paralyzing
-Sometimes I think about how the 90s weren't ten years ago
-I find myself saying, "my kid will NEVER do that." to all the kids who do things that kids do
-Life makes me sore
-The thought that some people on the earth have never seen the Indiana Jones movies makes me sad.
-My road rage has only gotten worse
-When I was unemployed I couldn't really see a reason not to have a drink at 3pm.
-Today I still kind of don't see a problem with the drink at 3pm
-I don't drink that much, camaaan.
-I really like being home and the effort to go out is (most of the time) too much
-I only know the original disney movies and kid shows on tv melt my brain (what happened to "hey arthur"

-I sent Kelly (my other sis, 13) a text today and she asked if I was being retro. Don't believe me?

-I spend all my money on vases to put shells in, and shelves to sit the vases on, in places all around my house
-kirk is more of a kermudgen than me, if you can believe it!!

This list is not to be confused with the wish to be 15 or even 18 again. Uhhh no. Actually, HELL NO. It's just maybe I'm more me than I've ever been. I'm an old, semi-drunk homebody who does DIY projects and waters her plants during the day, loves a good vanilla candle, and remembers all the good times and gawks at the unknown of the younger generation. And the fact that there's a younger generation still blows my mind.

Happy birthday to Katie, and here's to all my zero friends who secretly love all the things I do but won't admit it...yet.

(PS I swear I don't drink that much)

You don't understand

That is the thermometer inside my house. Notice it's maxed out. Are you wondering how I'm sleeping in that heat? Me too. Answer is that I'm not, hence, this grouchy post. 

It's hot. And wet. Like the inside of a packed gym where you feel other people's sweat on your face. 

Speaking of the gym, that ^ is the temp from my car while leaving the gym at 6:15 in the morning today. Add however many degrees for humidity and there you have it- 80+ before the sun is even up. Then the sun comes up and makes me want to move to Alaska. 

Shoot me.

Some of my zero readers might be like, "that's nothing- I live on the east coast/south/Arizona and it's always like that!"  What I say to you zeros is, I know. But your whole world is INSIDE. Work, home, malls, schools, and everything has a/c. In San Diego, we get hot every once and a while, but the county is known for the mild temperatures. We deal with the 2-3 days per season that suck.

It's been weeks of this. EVERYTHING WE DO IS OUTSIDE and almost no one has air conditioning because we don't need it. We spend enough $$$ living here that we don't need to pay even more to have cool air blow on us from time to time. 

"Oh, jordan," you zeros say, "you have the ocean right there so stop complaining!!" 

Have you ever tried to get to the beach with the rest of the 3.14 million San Diego county residents?? HAVE YOU?? Then don't talk to me about beach days. Although we did go last weekend. 

What I'm trying to say is this: let us bitch about the heat. It's about all we can do to move our bodies as little as possible, only using thumbs and phones to let the world know our pain. We want to live in San Diego, not Panama. You should know that we will also bitch when it rains because it makes my work commute hell on earth and, eff, what is up with rain anyway!??

<End of rant>