remember when....

....I was bragging about being in the single digits of WEEKS left in this pregnancy? Well now we are down to single digit DAYS. This is assuming baby is on time. But let's be honest, I am a little psycho about being on time and think people who are late are rude. NO RUDE BABIES ALLOWED.

This waiting around period is really really hard. Really. Every week since about week 34 I've been taking a minute to be relieved that she's made it past some scary timeline points - this is the week she can viably survive outside if anything happened, this is the week her lungs would be OK, this is the week she can regulate her own temperature.... Now we are at the point where she could come any day and is "selfishly" staying around, packing on pounds. Pounds that I have to push out. My midwife says she's not a very big baby, but I feel like maybe she is. I know that she's snug in there and can't be comfortable because I am way past comfortable. I feel her stretch like she has RLS or something and there are no little movements anymore, it's all like the macarena in here.

I've also had two friends have their babies in the last 11 days which just adds to the anxiety of waiting. She's not late yet so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, but I sure hope (for my mental sake!) that she comes early or on time so that we can just start the next phase of our lives. I've never been so ready for something in my whole life.

We love you, baby. Please come soon!

It's November! 38 week update

It's finally the month that we will welcome our little angel babe. I wouldn't say that these past nine months have been quick, but so much has happened. We are officially ready for her arrival - from the room, to all the gear, to my body being done acting as a human oven! We just want her here so badly and the hardest part is knowing she could come any time. Two weeks ago, Kirk turned 30...it's not too hard to visualize two weeks from now coming sooner than imagined.

:)

impromptu pregnancy photos

So these pics were taken on our camera on a self timer...in a nightgown...in our hallway and in the baby's room. I had gotten ready for a brunch an hour earlier than I needed and spent the free time I had (and the makeup I'd done) by taking these. I added some fun, highly advanced filtering through google picasa and that's it.

I think they turned out pretty cute considering I wasn't going to even take any photos before the babe arrives. Enjoy :)

Home stretch!

This picture was taken for my 35 week photo and here we are almost into week 36 (the start of the 9th month!!!) How am I feeling? Full of baby. She moves almost constantly, which is great and magical because I know she's OK, but it's tiring. Constantly having to deal with stretching, twisting, punching, kicking, and just plain feeling huge is not the most fun. I am also not really able to sleep, which means I feel like resting during the day, which makes me feel lazy but I don't have the energy to really go out there and seize the day. I struggle to breathe because of how she's positioned, which makes neighborhood dog walks slow and labored. I now understand why some women have to take time off of work during these last weeks and I'm "lucky" that I'm able to spend these weeks at home (The lucky is in quotes because I got laid off but honestly I am very lucky). Also, the number on the scale, although superficial and not the focus of my life at this time, is quite the mind-F. Every time I step on the scale I see a number I've never seen before! I know where the weight is and where it's going, but that doesn't change that it's difficult to wrap my brain around. I am also constantly surprised by what strangers think is appropriate to say to me, but more often it's people who know me who say the off-colored remarks. I am not pudgy and I am not "the huge one"!!!! Saying it as a joke does not make it okay!

I just got back from a trip to the Bay Area where I endured another heat wave in Northern California (wtf), went to a friend's wedding, spent time with family, and de-stressed.

Then, last week my mom drove with me from San Jose back down to San Diego so I didn't have to do the drive alone. We had a wonderful time together shopping, cooking, and just hanging out.  I can't wait for her and the rest of the fam to come back to town after the babe is here for another lengthy visit.

This is us having a yummo lunch at a La Mesa mexican restraunt called Por Favor. 

So....what's on the agenda for the next four weeks? I have a handful of low-impact home projects to complete but I mostly just plan on taking it pretty easy until baby girl is here. Like I said, I really feel like people underestimate the energy it takes to grow a human, and I am infinitely thankful that women don't have to carry around a 6 pound baby for the whole 9 months. I know she's probably as uncomfortable as I am, which makes every passing day a little sweeter because it means she's that much closer to being here (and out of me!!).

baby shower - she's almost here!

Kirk's mom, Michelle, and her friend Rochelle hosted my baby shower this weekend and it was just the MOST. My dear friend, Kristen, also took help in the planning and games. Our baby was seriously spoiled with love and gifts and amazing food. 

Here's what the nursery looks like so far. We don't need much more to be ready for her arrival.

The blank space ^ in this pic is going to be filled with some kind of shelving system. EEE! We can't wait

single digits

We are officially in the single digit territory - 9 weeks left of this journey to mommahood. Some other things have been going on in the background that are super horrible and stressful, namely, I'm getting laid off from my job at the end of the month (yes the same one that I signed a 4 year contract not 15 months ago and wrote that now seemingly naïve post about how it was an answer to my prayers blah blah suck it) and money issues are on the fore-front of my mind. Instead of being focused on these last couple of weeks in this current life I know, I'm entirely overwhelmed by the "what ifs" of tomorrow. Everyone who hears about the situation is like, "well at least at the end you'll have your baby."

Yes, I will have a baby....a new person to nurture and care for. A new expense machine. We'll still have a mortgage and student loans and life bills. Anyway, I've already done the snowball of stress and so I've been able to come to terms with the fact that this change is happening and Kirk and I will make it work, no matter what, as long as we are together. There are many blessings wrapped in this circumstance, and we are coming at it with open arms.

...only after I've had three weeks to stew and freak out. All in one's own time, no?

Moving on: 9 weeks. 9 WEEKS! In three weeks, baby's lungs are fully developed. In 6 weeks I'm considered "full term". While I'm unemployed and not yet a mom, I'm going to be taking a trip to the Bay Area to spend time with my family. It will be helpful to have a full schedule, to be with those I care about, and to have my mind on positivity and light. I'll get to see my dear friend get married! I'll see my sister in her first high school play! I'll see fall colors and might even wear a sweater.

Then, when I return home, I'll have plenty of time to...compulsively organize things? Partake in lengthy visualizations of this babe's upcoming birth? Watch all of the shows on Netflix? No, for real, I'm taking the time to really make some plans about what I'm doing in life after the baby is here. The only answer I can think of is to get back on that damn horse I was riding a year and a half ago and get back to school to get my damn teaching credential. Many details to think of and figure out so that will definitely keep me busy.

So... here we go. 7 more business days at this job (then I get out and never look back!), then trip to the bera, then a couple of weeks of zen before she's here. Hopefully in the meantime I get some good sleep, the temp of southern california goes down in general, and my feet don't swell too much.

dear little babe...

As I type this, you are squirming around in my belly and kicking the crap out of me. I wonder what you think about when you're going to pound town on my insides and why sometimes it's like machine gun kicks and others it's just a little poke. I'm guessing you're pretty pumped about the ice cream I just ate, in which case, machine gun away gurl. Feeling you move is magical in that it's something only I can experience. It sure doesn't feel great - I mean, I'm getting kicked from the insides out- but it's a wonderful way for you to say hi and remind me that everything's okay. Are you as excited as I am to be done in there? I'm at the point now where I've made it through the hard, scary stuff at the beginning and now am looking towards your arrival which is only a few short weeks away!!

I've been thinking a lot about what life will be like when you get here: long nights, sore body, exhaustion, constant worry. But those things aren't really that scary when I think about how long I've waited for you to be in my life. What will I do with the all of the overwhelming love that will suddenly come into my life when you're born? Will you have kirk's eyelashes? What about my pale force skin? JK We know you're going to be a little creamy, pasty babe. I think about all the firsts your dad and I get to experience with you and I just about die of excitement. I can't wait to hold you and rock you to sleep. I can't wait to comfort you when you don't feel good, read you books about airplanes,animals and numbers, tell you stories and watch Disney movies. I can't wait for your first gummy smile and your first laugh. I hope it's not as loud and obnoxious as mine :) Will you be a good sleeper or will we struggle for every hour we get? I can't wait to see your "sleepy wake up from a nap" face. That is my favorite thing of all babies besides baby buns.

I think about what kind of mom I'll be and whether I'll still be able to jam to Beyonce in the car with you in tow or whether I'll be too worried about keeping it quiet for you to sleep. How will I handle the day I have to leave you and go back to work? How will I handle your first day of school? Will I be super strict, or will I bend the rules when your dad's not around? ;) Will we be best buds or will you be a daddy's girl? What will your personality be like? Will you have allergies that make us cut cheese and peanut butter from our family diet? Will you and Riggy be best friends?

We are getting your room ready for you. It's a little while till you're here but I can't wait anymore - the room has got to come together STAT. Everything is being put together with the thought of what's best for you. Every time I walk by your room I think of when you'll be in there and I can go in and watch you sleep. You, my precious, faceless child who I love more than anything already.


Nothing I've read or been told can properly prepare me for your arrival (mentally or physically). But although I may not know exactly what to expect, my mindset is ready. I can't wait to be your momma. Our family is ready for you to be here and we're doing all we can do to make sure you're healthy, happy, and extremely loved no matter what. I think it's really fitting for you to be my first born in November, the month of thanks. I could not be more thankful to be in this position, for you, for your dad, for your extended family who have already supported (and spoiled) you so much. Our love grows infinitely more for you every day which amazes me more than I can even put into words....how much you are loved when I don't even know you at all.

26 weeks down, 14 to go!