This is the inside of my head every morning on my way to work. In this way, the world is predictable:
I’m leaving the house with the precise amount of time to get to work with regular traffic conditions only. Why do I not leave five minutes earlier? Why is the Today show so good?!
Ugh I’m going to miss this light if you don’t go the speed limit. That’s all I’m asking for – the speed limit.
Damnit man! Use your turn signal if you’re turning. Oh of course, you’re going to Starbucks. I want Starbucks…NO TIME.
What is different about today that causes the line for the freeway onramp to be a mile longer than usual??? Should I side-street it down El Cajon? Ugh not worth it. I’ll probably hit every red light.
Oh you’re carpool slash not? Hell no, I’m not letting you in. I hope you get a ticket.
OMG this car is going to break down in front of me, that’s the only explanation for the black sludge coming out the exhaust. It smells.... I need to go around.
Somebody let me over, god dammat. You see the practically smoking car in front of me, let me out!!
AAAAnd I'm stopped. On the freeway. How??!!?
Honestly, does no one here know how to merge???? Zipper, people!
Omg guys, watch out! There’s the slightest turn in the road, let’s all slow down to 15 mph just to be safe.
Oh someone pumped the breaks at this place an hour ago? Makes sense to keep stopping.
Soooo sloowwwwwww…..Are you a hundred years old? Seriously, are you?!?!
You are, I knew it.
I see you in my rear view, BMWdoucheweavingthroughtraffic. Can I block him in that lane? Yes! AH HA! Trapped, bitch!
Don’t look at me!
Okay this is where I may die today. You guys realize you have almost a mile to get over to this lane, right? You don’t have to all rush over at once. Omg those cars are changing into the same lane they’re going to crash omg, what the F get out of there, idiot!
Oh and now you’re going to change back to the other lane? Seriously?!
Should have taken El Cajon.
Finally!!! Freedom on 805 South where no one works. Easiest part of my day by far.
I hate getting stuck behind these 18 wheelers who can’t take this hill! Let me over!
Oh a bum curling a bag of garbage like it’s a dumbbell? Super normal. Must almost be to work.
No parking and street sweeping day? Ugh northpark. 2 hour parking will do.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Whole 30 Challenge: My honest truth
As most of our friends and family know, Kirk and I embarked on the Whole 30 challenge on March 10. If you want to learn more about what Whole 30 is and browse their many resources, go here. When you're done, come back to the blog and just let me let it out.
The basic premise is that we (society) need to rid ourselves of the toxins, additives, and excess sugars that are now in all the foods that are considered "normal." They specifically say to eat real food. Take 30 days out of your life and make a pact to yourself not eat bad shit because you DESERVE this. Whole 30's tough love formula is what they're famous for and it's all good, and like, of course not eating a pizza a day isn't hard, beating cancer is hard.
I know there's science behind it. I know that when I eat what they say to eat that I'm giving my body things that provide the most nutritional value. I don't NEED vanilla creamer in my coffee. I don't NEED mexican food with all its cheese and sour cream and tortillas for days. I don't NEED rice. I don't NEED red wine after the longest week of my life.(I do need these things by the way if you couldn't tell. Sarcasm is hard on the internet.) They say, Oh and guess what? Basically everything you used to eat can be transitioned to be whole 30-approved. yayy!
False. How do you have a taco with no tortilla? (Zeros chime in and say, "Jordan, it can't possibly be that hard to skip tacos for 30 days" and I'm telling you, it is. A taco salad is not a taco. Period.) How do you have pad thai with no noodles? How do you make chili with no beans? How do you make orange chicken like from Panda Express without the goopy sauce and extreme breading? Well, there's actually no possible way that could be whole 30 but it doesn't mean that I don't want it. Double negative, boom.
I'm constantly starving and semi-crazy. I have a deep, burning hunger in my soul that I can't fix with the food they approve. I don't want to eat if I have to eat what they say. I don't want to find another way to trick a sweet potato in to being what it's not - a real potato. I don't want to smell another egg, let alone look at it....sitting there it its cozy little egg carton. I don't want to use ghee - I want butter and all of its dairy glory. And sometimes I just want a damn cookie, especially those little animal crackers with the pink/white frosting and sprinkles. They never disappoint.
This is affecting my relationship with Kirk. All we ever talk about now-a-days are all the things we're going to eat when this is over (this is not the point of whole 30). 9 more days....if I make it. There's a point where I may just have to throw in the towel and try again "some other time in the much later future" slash maybe not. I came. I starved. I learned. And the part about being semi-crazy (read: crazy as F**K) is real and I may or may not get fired for my super attitude lately. This diet has become an economic hardship.
What I DO know about this is that it's made me take a look into what I was actually eating. If I got anything from this experience, it's that I've learned of a better way to eat and I've practiced saying "no" to eating things when the food is out of my control. But I don't think I've been convinced that it's a better way to live. There's a reason why this challenge is only 30 days long - I think it's partially because any longer and people would starve, and it really is extreme. Extreme diets aren't the answer, a healthy balance is. And also, pasta and cheese were created for a reason and that reason is for me to eat them.
Here's to (maybe!) 9 more days
The basic premise is that we (society) need to rid ourselves of the toxins, additives, and excess sugars that are now in all the foods that are considered "normal." They specifically say to eat real food. Take 30 days out of your life and make a pact to yourself not eat bad shit because you DESERVE this. Whole 30's tough love formula is what they're famous for and it's all good, and like, of course not eating a pizza a day isn't hard, beating cancer is hard.
I know there's science behind it. I know that when I eat what they say to eat that I'm giving my body things that provide the most nutritional value. I don't NEED vanilla creamer in my coffee. I don't NEED mexican food with all its cheese and sour cream and tortillas for days. I don't NEED rice. I don't NEED red wine after the longest week of my life.(I do need these things by the way if you couldn't tell. Sarcasm is hard on the internet.) They say, Oh and guess what? Basically everything you used to eat can be transitioned to be whole 30-approved. yayy!
False. How do you have a taco with no tortilla? (Zeros chime in and say, "Jordan, it can't possibly be that hard to skip tacos for 30 days" and I'm telling you, it is. A taco salad is not a taco. Period.) How do you have pad thai with no noodles? How do you make chili with no beans? How do you make orange chicken like from Panda Express without the goopy sauce and extreme breading? Well, there's actually no possible way that could be whole 30 but it doesn't mean that I don't want it. Double negative, boom.
I'm constantly starving and semi-crazy. I have a deep, burning hunger in my soul that I can't fix with the food they approve. I don't want to eat if I have to eat what they say. I don't want to find another way to trick a sweet potato in to being what it's not - a real potato. I don't want to smell another egg, let alone look at it....sitting there it its cozy little egg carton. I don't want to use ghee - I want butter and all of its dairy glory. And sometimes I just want a damn cookie, especially those little animal crackers with the pink/white frosting and sprinkles. They never disappoint.
This is affecting my relationship with Kirk. All we ever talk about now-a-days are all the things we're going to eat when this is over (this is not the point of whole 30). 9 more days....if I make it. There's a point where I may just have to throw in the towel and try again "some other time in the much later future" slash maybe not. I came. I starved. I learned. And the part about being semi-crazy (read: crazy as F**K) is real and I may or may not get fired for my super attitude lately. This diet has become an economic hardship.
What I DO know about this is that it's made me take a look into what I was actually eating. If I got anything from this experience, it's that I've learned of a better way to eat and I've practiced saying "no" to eating things when the food is out of my control. But I don't think I've been convinced that it's a better way to live. There's a reason why this challenge is only 30 days long - I think it's partially because any longer and people would starve, and it really is extreme. Extreme diets aren't the answer, a healthy balance is. And also, pasta and cheese were created for a reason and that reason is for me to eat them.
Here's to (maybe!) 9 more days
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Remodel update: Guest Bathroom and the Patio!
We have been busy little bees in terms of home remodel. And by "we" I mean Kirk. I don't know how to do anything. Kirk knows how to do everything. I also apparently don't know how to take before and afters because I only took three before pics of our "before" guest bathroom.
One note: that wooden seat was immediately removed a year and a half ago. This is what we got the day we moved in.
Here's all of the new stuff that we got all at once. It waited for us in the garage till we were ready to move forward with the makeover.
THE FINAL PRODUCT!!!
Here are side by side comparisons for your little brains:
One note: that wooden seat was immediately removed a year and a half ago. This is what we got the day we moved in.
Paint colors - main wall and trim
After the sink and mirror were taken off. Kirk was patching the wall and fixing the electrical so we could have an outlet that worked without the light having to be on. What a dream man I have!!
My lil taping slave getting the top ready for "academy grey"
Academy grey and white
Kirk and caulk and new mirror and sink and vanity
*************************************************
Here's the work that was done on the patio. 9 months of blood, sweat, staining, concrete, and tears.
diggin holes.
Build it up!
Notice how I'm the one taking all the pics ;) Good work, men!
Thar she blows!
I'm so thankful for the handy men in my family who are so patient with my vision and treat me to these beautiful projects. They've exceeded my expectations by a million miles. Can't wait for the next one!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
i'm distraught
Dear Zeros,
It's time we (all 1 of us) had a heart to heart.
I feel like everyone on the internets is in "rant" mode and it's getting annoying. I don't want to fall into the category of those who only complain about every single aspect of their life in the public sphere. Just because it's a rant doesn't mean it makes you funny or that anyone cares about your seemingly tragic woes. So I feel like I can learn and move on from the ranting. Also I realize I have ranted before so I'm trying to say I've moved on. Well, probably after this post.
In other annoying news, I'm contemplating unfriending anyone who still uses #completelyinappropriatehastagsandthenthinksthey'rebeingwitty because seriously..? It sucks. There's my fair warning to you. That's not what hashtags are for!!! USE REAL WORDS!!!! Instead of describing your children as #thelightofmylife, try using the REAL words "the light of my life". Instead of being #blessed, why not be regularly blessed? #getsomeneedsomekickassalldayerrday isn't a thing and doesn't trend! AHHH!!!! Also note that if you have a private profile on IG or FB, tagging your photos and shit with hashtags makes that item public. I'm positive that 99% of the people out there don't realize it and hashtag #cute on their baby pics where creeps can search the #cute hashtag and see all dat. Just do you know!!! Many exclamation points in this blog!!!!!
But come back down to Earth and listen to me when I say that I need help.
I need help with an issue that has recently plagued my life. And by plague I mean locusts, the Nile turning to blood, boils- the whole she-bang...
This is my view EVERYDAY at work:
Some of you zeros may be like, "big woop. The toilet seat is up who cay's? Looks like my bathroom at home."
It's time we (all 1 of us) had a heart to heart.
I feel like everyone on the internets is in "rant" mode and it's getting annoying. I don't want to fall into the category of those who only complain about every single aspect of their life in the public sphere. Just because it's a rant doesn't mean it makes you funny or that anyone cares about your seemingly tragic woes. So I feel like I can learn and move on from the ranting. Also I realize I have ranted before so I'm trying to say I've moved on. Well, probably after this post.
In other annoying news, I'm contemplating unfriending anyone who still uses #completelyinappropriatehastagsandthenthinksthey'rebeingwitty because seriously..? It sucks. There's my fair warning to you. That's not what hashtags are for!!! USE REAL WORDS!!!! Instead of describing your children as #thelightofmylife, try using the REAL words "the light of my life". Instead of being #blessed, why not be regularly blessed? #getsomeneedsomekickassalldayerrday isn't a thing and doesn't trend! AHHH!!!! Also note that if you have a private profile on IG or FB, tagging your photos and shit with hashtags makes that item public. I'm positive that 99% of the people out there don't realize it and hashtag #cute on their baby pics where creeps can search the #cute hashtag and see all dat. Just do you know!!! Many exclamation points in this blog!!!!!
But come back down to Earth and listen to me when I say that I need help.
I need help with an issue that has recently plagued my life. And by plague I mean locusts, the Nile turning to blood, boils- the whole she-bang...
This is my view EVERYDAY at work:
Others of you might be saying "oh emm gee you're dealing with #firstworldproblems #whatawhiner #somebodycallthewaaaaambulance" and I plan on blocking you later.
WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYY???? Why does this resemble your home? This is work!! Yes, a first world problem as in it's a problem for places that have flushing toilets. Why is the toilet seat up in a public bathroom? Why do you not share the thought of common courtesy to put the toilet seat down? Why are you 40 years old and still have no thought to put the toilet seat down? Why is it better for me to dirty up my hands putting your toilet seat down when you already need to wash your d*ck hands after you go and can easily put the seat down before you leave the restroom??!?!? I thought this was a one time thing that I happened upon, but it's not. It's the norm. and I ask you again, WHYYY?
WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYY???? Why does this resemble your home? This is work!! Yes, a first world problem as in it's a problem for places that have flushing toilets. Why is the toilet seat up in a public bathroom? Why do you not share the thought of common courtesy to put the toilet seat down? Why are you 40 years old and still have no thought to put the toilet seat down? Why is it better for me to dirty up my hands putting your toilet seat down when you already need to wash your d*ck hands after you go and can easily put the seat down before you leave the restroom??!?!? I thought this was a one time thing that I happened upon, but it's not. It's the norm. and I ask you again, WHYYY?
Side note: everyone please, for the love of all that is holy, please please wash your hands after you do anything that involves pulling your pants down. I don't care if you just took a shower, are super clean and never miss, think to yourself, "that's what toilet paper is for", or think that you are immune to toilety germs. Wash your hands. Do it for the people you work with. Do it for the door handle. Do it for the nice smelling soap. Do it because you probably need to wash your hands anyway. Do it because of that person you know who doesn't. Just do it!!
Back to the toilet situation...
Back to the toilet situation...
Someone once said that "it's like F**king 'Nam in there". Because bombs get dropped? Because it's a war zone? Because there have been casualties? YES!!!! I die a little inside each time I have to go in there.
So while this isn't a rant, it is a passive agressive note to someone who will never get the note, and therefore, I am distraught.
And since it's almost Christmas, and I'm trying to be more in the spirit of being thankful and all that shat, I'm thankful for public bathrooms.
"The anonymous exchange" as I like to call it.
Airports with 25 stalls. Target with their 10 stalls and the extra big handicapped stall. Hotel lobbies. Bathrooms with attendants that hand you paper towels. Even just a separation of man and woman bathrooms. Urinals exist for this sole reason! This one stall situation is, quite literally, crap.
So while this isn't a rant, it is a passive agressive note to someone who will never get the note, and therefore, I am distraught.
And since it's almost Christmas, and I'm trying to be more in the spirit of being thankful and all that shat, I'm thankful for public bathrooms.
"The anonymous exchange" as I like to call it.
Airports with 25 stalls. Target with their 10 stalls and the extra big handicapped stall. Hotel lobbies. Bathrooms with attendants that hand you paper towels. Even just a separation of man and woman bathrooms. Urinals exist for this sole reason! This one stall situation is, quite literally, crap.
So be thankful for your separated bathrooms today and make sure you give your well-trained and highly respectful mate (Kirk is a saint) the praise he deserves for keeping this a non situation for you.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
great outdoors - anza borrego
This past weekend Kirk and I went camping with a couple - the husband works with me. :) We decided to take advantage of the three day weekend for Veteran's Day and head out into the wilderness aka Anza-Borrego Desert State Park. The drive wasn't bad, the site was free, and the scenery was amazing. It was a wonderful weekend with great (new) friends!
This photo of Kirk was taken with my iPhone. Amazing!
Me and Erick just bein best buds.
Cutest boy around
The weekend crew on our walkabout
Looks like we're crossing the sahara ;)
The tarantula that I found with my foot.
Kirk and his bouquet of kababs. We ate like kings.
All in all, one of my favorite camping trips and there wasn't running water or flushing toilets. Who is down for another trip??
This photo of Kirk was taken with my iPhone. Amazing!
Me and Erick just bein best buds.
Cutest boy around
The weekend crew on our walkabout
Looks like we're crossing the sahara ;)
The tarantula that I found with my foot.
Kirk and his bouquet of kababs. We ate like kings.
All in all, one of my favorite camping trips and there wasn't running water or flushing toilets. Who is down for another trip??
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