My week without Kirk

This face happened:

This also happened:

Solo dance party to Beyoncé:

Book club:

I went to a busted exhibit of dinosaurs that never existed:

I hated it:

Hated it so much:

Lydia and I had a girls day:

Then he was back!! We went to Cabrillo for free:

And then he sat in our new patio chairs after building me a planter for my succulents and watched the sunset with me. 

i'm distraught

Dear Zeros,

It's time we (all 1 of us) had a heart to heart.

I feel like everyone on the internets is in "rant" mode and it's getting annoying. I don't want to fall into the category of those who only complain about every single aspect of their life in the public sphere. Just because it's a rant doesn't mean it makes you funny or that anyone cares about your seemingly tragic woes. So I feel like I can learn and move on from the ranting. Also I realize I have ranted before so I'm trying to say I've moved on. Well, probably after this post.

In other annoying news, I'm contemplating unfriending anyone who still uses #completelyinappropriatehastagsandthenthinksthey'rebeingwitty because seriously..? It sucks. There's my fair warning to you. That's not what hashtags are for!!! USE REAL WORDS!!!! Instead of describing your children as #thelightofmylife, try using the REAL words "the light of my life".  Instead of being #blessed, why not be regularly blessed? #getsomeneedsomekickassalldayerrday isn't a thing and doesn't trend! AHHH!!!! Also note that if you have a private profile on IG or FB, tagging your photos and shit with hashtags makes that item public. I'm positive that 99% of the people out there don't realize it and hashtag #cute on their baby pics where creeps can search the #cute hashtag and see all dat. Just do you know!!! Many exclamation points in this blog!!!!!

But come back down to Earth and listen to me when I say that I need help.

I need help with an issue that has recently plagued my life. And by plague I mean locusts, the Nile turning to blood, boils- the whole she-bang...

This is my view EVERYDAY at work:

Some of you zeros may be like, "big woop. The toilet seat is up who cay's? Looks like my bathroom at home."

Others of you might be saying "oh emm gee you're dealing with #firstworldproblems #whatawhiner #somebodycallthewaaaaambulance" and I plan on blocking you later.

WWWWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYY???? Why does this resemble your home? This is work!! Yes, a first world problem as in it's a problem for places that have flushing toilets. Why is the toilet seat up in a public bathroom? Why do you not share the thought of common courtesy to put the toilet seat down? Why are you 40 years old and still have no thought to put the toilet seat down? Why is it better for me to dirty up my hands putting your toilet seat down when you already need to wash your d*ck hands after you go and can easily put the seat down before you leave the restroom??!?!? I thought this was a one time thing that I happened upon, but it's not. It's the norm. and I ask you again, WHYYY?

Side note: everyone please, for the love of all that is holy, please please wash your hands after you do anything that involves pulling your pants down. I don't care if you just took a shower, are super clean and never miss, think to yourself, "that's what toilet paper is for", or think that you are immune to toilety germs. Wash your hands. Do it for the people you work with. Do it for the door handle. Do it for the nice smelling soap. Do it because you probably need to wash your hands anyway. Do it because of that person you know who doesn't. Just do it!!

Back to the toilet situation...

Someone once said that "it's like F**king 'Nam in there". Because bombs get dropped? Because it's a war zone? Because there have been casualties? YES!!!! I die a little inside each time I have to go in there.

So while this isn't a rant, it is a passive agressive note to someone who will never get the note, and therefore, I am distraught.

And since it's almost Christmas, and I'm trying to be more in the spirit of being thankful and all that shat, I'm thankful for public bathrooms.

"The anonymous exchange" as I like to call it.

Airports with 25 stalls. Target with their 10 stalls and the extra big handicapped stall. Hotel lobbies. Bathrooms with attendants that hand you paper towels.  Even just a separation of man and woman bathrooms. Urinals exist for this sole reason! This one stall situation is, quite literally, crap.

So be thankful for your separated bathrooms today and make sure you give your well-trained and highly respectful mate (Kirk is a saint) the praise he deserves for keeping this a non situation for you. 

great outdoors - anza borrego

This past weekend Kirk and I went camping with a couple - the husband works with me. :) We decided to take advantage of the three day weekend for Veteran's Day and head out into the wilderness aka Anza-Borrego Desert State Park. The drive wasn't bad, the site was free,  and the scenery was amazing.  It was a wonderful weekend with great (new) friends!

This photo of Kirk was taken with my iPhone. Amazing!

Me and Erick just bein best buds.

Cutest boy around

 

The weekend crew on our walkabout
 
 
 
Looks like we're crossing the sahara ;)
 
 
The tarantula that I found with my foot.
 
Kirk and his bouquet of kababs. We ate like kings.

All in all, one of my favorite camping trips and there wasn't running water or flushing toilets.  Who is down for another trip??

Casual Friday

...more like casual hair day. Or "I don't care at all" hair day. This job requires me to look presentable every day, which is great. I like looking nice. But I spend so much time on my hair because I work out in the mornings... so I wash it every day. It doesn't quite look right when you show up in a bomb dress and heels with a wet head of hair. 

So today I am celebrating the fact that I can hide in my office with a clip holding my bangs out of my face and the rest in a frizzy mess. Sometimes its nice to be low-maintenance (or no-maintenance as I prefer). 

Happy Friday!

Speaking of getting older...

Kirk is almost 30 :)... And by almost i mean he'll be 29 in 3 weeks.  He's looking forward to it. 

"CHERISH IT. SHTAY HERE ASH LONG ASH YOU CAAAAAAN"

Today my little sister, Katie, turned 15. Yeeeeeeesh! Soon she'll be driving, and then college, and then married and then I'll be a grandma-aunt. It's not just that my little tiny sisters are getting older, or the baby fever I've succumbed to, or the ample amounts of Wheel of fortune I've watched this year - I'm getting old.

<OH, REAL OLD ZEROS, BE QUIET! LET ME HAVE THIS>

I'm 27 going on 100. Here are some recent things that have happened that have really rubbed my face in the fact that I'm getting old:
-I go to bed at 8:30pm, I wake up at 4:55am
-I created a book club
-I seriously enjoy my book club
-I am grouchy at college kids doing what college kids do
-I spend my weekends doing chores and don't mind that at all

-TLC still really pumps me up at the gym

-I can't eat a cake for breakfast without gaining 8 pounds
-it takes 6 months to lose said cake pounds
-I can say, "remember that thing happened 10 years ago..." and I can use the word "decade"
-I've known people for more than 10 years
-I've been alive long enough to see Carson Daly go from MTV to the Today show.
-I really like coffee, beer, and wine. Good beer. Red wine.
-the next morning after ample beer and wine I am paralyzed for 24 hours.
-the thought of hard liquor is also paralyzing
-Sometimes I think about how the 90s weren't ten years ago
-I find myself saying, "my kid will NEVER do that." to all the kids who do things that kids do
-Life makes me sore
-The thought that some people on the earth have never seen the Indiana Jones movies makes me sad.
-My road rage has only gotten worse
-When I was unemployed I couldn't really see a reason not to have a drink at 3pm.
-Today I still kind of don't see a problem with the drink at 3pm
-I don't drink that much, camaaan.
-I really like being home and the effort to go out is (most of the time) too much
-I only know the original disney movies and kid shows on tv melt my brain (what happened to "hey arthur"

-I sent Kelly (my other sis, 13) a text today and she asked if I was being retro. Don't believe me?

-I spend all my money on vases to put shells in, and shelves to sit the vases on, in places all around my house
-kirk is more of a kermudgen than me, if you can believe it!!

This list is not to be confused with the wish to be 15 or even 18 again. Uhhh no. Actually, HELL NO. It's just maybe I'm more me than I've ever been. I'm an old, semi-drunk homebody who does DIY projects and waters her plants during the day, loves a good vanilla candle, and remembers all the good times and gawks at the unknown of the younger generation. And the fact that there's a younger generation still blows my mind.

Happy birthday to Katie, and here's to all my zero friends who secretly love all the things I do but won't admit it...yet.

(PS I swear I don't drink that much)

You don't understand

That is the thermometer inside my house. Notice it's maxed out. Are you wondering how I'm sleeping in that heat? Me too. Answer is that I'm not, hence, this grouchy post. 

It's hot. And wet. Like the inside of a packed gym where you feel other people's sweat on your face. 

Speaking of the gym, that ^ is the temp from my car while leaving the gym at 6:15 in the morning today. Add however many degrees for humidity and there you have it- 80+ before the sun is even up. Then the sun comes up and makes me want to move to Alaska. 

Shoot me.

Some of my zero readers might be like, "that's nothing- I live on the east coast/south/Arizona and it's always like that!"  What I say to you zeros is, I know. But your whole world is INSIDE. Work, home, malls, schools, and everything has a/c. In San Diego, we get hot every once and a while, but the county is known for the mild temperatures. We deal with the 2-3 days per season that suck.

It's been weeks of this. EVERYTHING WE DO IS OUTSIDE and almost no one has air conditioning because we don't need it. We spend enough $$$ living here that we don't need to pay even more to have cool air blow on us from time to time. 

"Oh, jordan," you zeros say, "you have the ocean right there so stop complaining!!" 

Have you ever tried to get to the beach with the rest of the 3.14 million San Diego county residents?? HAVE YOU?? Then don't talk to me about beach days. Although we did go last weekend. 

What I'm trying to say is this: let us bitch about the heat. It's about all we can do to move our bodies as little as possible, only using thumbs and phones to let the world know our pain. We want to live in San Diego, not Panama. You should know that we will also bitch when it rains because it makes my work commute hell on earth and, eff, what is up with rain anyway!??

<End of rant>